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Oh, My Dog

Here is an easy way of telling if you are ugly or not: go to a sink in a public bathroom and pretend to wash your hands until someone comes to the sink next to you; look deeply into the mirror at yourself, so you memorize what you look like real good; when someone arrives, shift your gaze onto their mirror and stare deeply at them to memorize what they look like; eventually, you will see that everyone has a lot of nooks and crannies, except for good looking people.

What

Some people really want to be skinny, like a stick. I keep on tellin' them that sticks have no personality. Think about this: who was the last skinny person you knew who had a personality--Dick Van Dyke? I don't even think you knew him